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Today was the first time I ever wanted to skip school. I mean, there are times where I wanted to leave, but I didn't because I sort of felt like staying, in a way. But today was different. I wanted to go away. To just skip. But I didn't, knowing that I'd get scolded and the thought of the people there talking about me being absent and maybe thinking I was depressed. And maybe they'd have asked me why I left. So I stayed, even though it was so hard for me.
But I don't know what the situation will be in a few weeks. I'm really afraid I might start skipping school. I've never felt so bad.
I argued with someone I've been with since the beginning of the school year, because she was always belittling me. I'm already really depressed, and what she was telling me was just making me feel worse, so much that I was crying every evening when I arrived at home. She was always telling me "you don't eat enough", "you're so skinny", "you so picky", "you always rant", but this is nothing compared to what she told me on Tuesday (4 days ago). Her bus driver died, so she told me "I'm gonna cry in the bus :(:(:(" to which I replied a sort of "roooh". I meant it like "don't cry, it'll be fine, you can't help it, everyone dies someday etcetc", like, to make her feel better. But guess what she told me. "Well it's not because you're insensible and don't have any feelings that I have to be like you! I wasn't even talking to you there are other people here why are you even replying just shut up!" ...That was the last straw that broke the camel's back. I got so mad at her I almost cried. I mean, imagine you're so fucking depressed and the other person KNOWS it and they know you're seeing a psychologist every fucking week and you've even CRIED in front of them (which is something I never do) and they just go and tell you you don't have feelings? I'M SORRY? Seriously I just can't. When I think about it, I can't stop crying.
I feel like she hasn't even tried to understand who I am. Like she doesn't even care. And I know she doesn't. On Wednesday, I told her about how I felt. She never replied to my text. But the best part is coming. On Tuesday. She talked to me as if I hadn't even sent that text. And in German class, she did the worst thing ever she could have done to me. She cried. I had to go out of the room to fucking make her feel better. Thanks, teacher. And guess what she told me? "What you told me yesterday really made me feel depressed". I'm sorry? What about my feelings? Don't fucking act like you're the victim here! Since the beginning of the school year I've been putting up with it, crying everyday and stuff but she acts like I'm the bad one and she's the victim? I'm sorry???? No seriously. No. I'm so done.
I feel like I'm dying inside. I don't even find the words to explain what I'm feeling. I have felt really bad before, like a few years ago, because of my classmates, but I've never felt THIS bad. I feel like I'll never be happy again. I'm just... desperate.
But I don't know what the situation will be in a few weeks. I'm really afraid I might start skipping school. I've never felt so bad.
I argued with someone I've been with since the beginning of the school year, because she was always belittling me. I'm already really depressed, and what she was telling me was just making me feel worse, so much that I was crying every evening when I arrived at home. She was always telling me "you don't eat enough", "you're so skinny", "you so picky", "you always rant", but this is nothing compared to what she told me on Tuesday (4 days ago). Her bus driver died, so she told me "I'm gonna cry in the bus :(:(:(" to which I replied a sort of "roooh". I meant it like "don't cry, it'll be fine, you can't help it, everyone dies someday etcetc", like, to make her feel better. But guess what she told me. "Well it's not because you're insensible and don't have any feelings that I have to be like you! I wasn't even talking to you there are other people here why are you even replying just shut up!" ...That was the last straw that broke the camel's back. I got so mad at her I almost cried. I mean, imagine you're so fucking depressed and the other person KNOWS it and they know you're seeing a psychologist every fucking week and you've even CRIED in front of them (which is something I never do) and they just go and tell you you don't have feelings? I'M SORRY? Seriously I just can't. When I think about it, I can't stop crying.
I feel like she hasn't even tried to understand who I am. Like she doesn't even care. And I know she doesn't. On Wednesday, I told her about how I felt. She never replied to my text. But the best part is coming. On Tuesday. She talked to me as if I hadn't even sent that text. And in German class, she did the worst thing ever she could have done to me. She cried. I had to go out of the room to fucking make her feel better. Thanks, teacher. And guess what she told me? "What you told me yesterday really made me feel depressed". I'm sorry? What about my feelings? Don't fucking act like you're the victim here! Since the beginning of the school year I've been putting up with it, crying everyday and stuff but she acts like I'm the bad one and she's the victim? I'm sorry???? No seriously. No. I'm so done.
I feel like I'm dying inside. I don't even find the words to explain what I'm feeling. I have felt really bad before, like a few years ago, because of my classmates, but I've never felt THIS bad. I feel like I'll never be happy again. I'm just... desperate.
